5 Steps To Making Love Last. Researcher John Gottman reports that in happy relationships, spouses had a 5:1 positive-negative ratio of interactions. I actually sat down this afternoon to track how I’d treated The Todd this week… I have some work to do.
5 Steps To Making Love Last:
1. Tend to It!
For your relationship to be and remain juicy and wonderful, like every living thing, it must be fed and fueled. After you take care of yourself, your relationship deserves to be your next priority, since it is the very relational foundation on which all that all else lies. It needs to be tended to, nurtured and revitalized to keep romance alive and evolving.
2. Focus on Haves, Not Have-Nots
Energy flows where attention goes. Remember why you fell in love, why you chose your beloved. Focus on what you have, and it will expand. What you appreciate appreciates in value.
3. “I Choose Us“
After the infatuation wears off and years go by, many of us know what it can feel like to start focusing on the disappointments and “sweating the small stuff.” Next time you feel yourself going there, try to pause and affirm to one another: “I choose us.” See how quickly it can transform where you put your attention and priority.
4. Be the Change
An effective strategy to effect positive growth and transformation in your relationship is to “be the change” you want to see. If you want more of “something,” start with giving what you want to receive. If you want more patience, be patient. If you want more affection, express your love more demonstratively. Then watch what happens — it does work!
5. Fix the Problem, Not the Blame
Taking mutual responsibility is key, and owning what is yours is essential. If ever you hear yourself saying, “You are making me miserable,” or, “It is your fault because…,” these are clues that you detoured from the interdependent track onto a codependent one.
Want to hear the rest of the suggestions from Dr. Marcy Cole? Click here.