5 Things Men Really Don’t Want For Valentine’s Day

5 Things Men Really Don’t Want For Valentine’s Day…

(And The One Thing They Do)

worst valentines ever

After 18 years of Valentine’s Day gifties for The Todd, I’m exhausted.

The gifts to my beloved spouse range from elaborate (flying him to Las Vegas and getting re-married by Fat Elvis at the Graceland Chapel) to uninsipired (16 white turtlenecks.  Don’t judge me.  The Todd loves white turtlenecks.)  I finally figured, why not just ask the man?  And to take this into the realm of public service, I asked him to Speak On Behalf Of All Men.  No easy task, but they’re pretty good.  Take a look.

5 Things Men Really Don’t Want For Valentine’s Day…

(And The One Thing They Do)

Hi.  Todd here.  This isn’t meant to hurt Erin’s feelings, and I’m not saying that she’s ever given me any of this stuff for Valentine’s Day as a tribute of her undying love.  Uh…but I’m not saying she hasn’t, either.

Men don’t want this:

love coupons

1. Coupons for “blank.”  Please.  If you love us, just surprise us with a candlelit bed and a nice bottle of massage oil.  Because we’re never sure when we’re allowed to redeem this stuff.  Say I wanted to redeem the coupon that says “Footrub and whatever comes after that!” and Erin just got in a fender bender with a busload of Lutheran schoolchildren while on the phone with our crappy medical insurance provider who is refusing yet another medical claim?  Say I didn’t know about that part?  Why do I have a fork embedded in my skull?

 

 

scrapbooking expo

2. Tickets to the Scrapbooking Expo.  Hey, remember when I said I wanted to share your interests?  I was lying.  Take your sister and crop your little heart out.  For the love of God, don’t make me do this.

 

kelly clarkson

3. Waxing of ANY KIND.  Remember “40 Year Old Virgin?”  That is all.

 

couples_retreat_1006

4. Couple’s Retreat.  If you hand me a brochure with a cosy hut and fly fishing implicit in the verbage, I better not wind up in a sarong with 5 other couples while Walt tells us “Sherry’s never been good at that…uh…sexy stuff.”

 

 

world's best husband

5. Trophy that says something like “World’s Best Husband.”  Or “Red Hot Lover” or “My Hunk Of Man.”  Unless the base of the trophy is solid granite and I can use it to squish soda cans.  (Hey, you keep telling me to recycle!)

 

valentines gift men want

Men Do Want This:

We want to know that we make a difference in our family’s life.  That our love for you is cherished, as much as we cherish your love.  To know that we have each other’s back–no matter what.  And, that we both know that we were put on this earth for each other.  That’s all.

Oh, and pie.  You can never go wrong with pie.

 

5 things men do not want for valentine's day

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