Five Compliments Your Kids Need To Hear From You

Five Compliments Your Kids Need To Hear From You. My mother was brilliant when it came to compliments–if we got one, we knew it was sincere.  And, we knew why.  No vague “way to go!” while reading her book or making dinner. I’ve tried to follow along with this standard with my kids, but I appreciated a refresher course…



5 Compliments Your Kids Need To Hear From You:

1. Compliment their character. We live in a world where integrity is neither consistently taught nor widely expected. When our children demonstrate honesty, kindness, trustworthiness and reliability, that’s a great time to take them aside and offer a sincere compliment.

2. Compliment obedience and respect. It’s too easy to fall into patterns of disapproval, where the only time we notice is when kids do wrong. Rather than waiting for disobedience or disrespect (then coming down like a ton of bricks) try noticing obedience and respect: “I don’t always remember to tell you, but you are an awesome young man, and I appreciate the way you treat your mother”.

3. Compliment them for simply being part of the family. “Every time I see you, I’m thankful that I’m your Mom.” Kids need to understand that they are valued simply because they are.

4. Compliment contributions to the family. “Clearing the table (sweeping the porch… putting out the trash) makes a real difference. I appreciate your contribution.” Kids need to understand that what they do makes a difference, that the adults notice, and that pitching in is a good part of family life.

This one can be difficult–but it’s crucial:

5.  Compliment their sense of style even if we don’t exactly share their taste. We don’t want to force our kids into being clones of us. “When it comes to putting together an outfit, you certainly have some flair!” “I can tell that you put a lot of thought into the way you look.” “I’ve never seen a table set quite like that before – you have an amazing imagination!” It’s not useful to limit compliments to the narrow range of our own taste.


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2 responses to “Five Compliments Your Kids Need To Hear From You”

  1. Sarah L says:

    I agree completely!! I’ve worked hard to do that with my 4 year old, and hope I always remember to do so. I was so proud of him today, we went to a Burger King, and he noticed the play area (Thanks to Granddad introducing him to one a few weeks ago, *sigh* We’d made it so long without him seeing) but he didn’t pitch a fit at all, when he asked if he could play, and I told him no, not today. He looked a little sad, but didn’t bring it up again, and I was so proud of him…!! I told him so a few times, and why I was proud. I think it’s sooo important to start it at such a young age, all of the times you remember to tell them “That’s such good sitting” or “You are being s opatient! Thank you!” WHILE they are doing it is going to make such a hgue difference in their behavior. They will know they get rewarded and have attention for the good things, and keep wanting to do them ihnstead of acting out for negative attention.

  2. todderinfav5admin says:

    I’m so impressed that your little man was able to control his disappointment at the tender age of 4! Your timing on positive reinforcement sounds spot-on. I keep trying to remember to praise good behavior when I see it, but I’m afraid I often don’t remember until later.

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