Four Negative Relationship Patterns That Predict Divorce

Four Negative Patterns That Predict Divorce. Dr. John Gottman has been counseling couples in marriage crisis for over three decades, and he says that several key negative patterns keep surfacing, over and over for couples in conflict.  I don’t care how perfect our relationships are, there’s always work to be done.  It chagrined me to find that I am guilty of number 3 waaaay to often.  What on this list resonates with you?

 

Four Negative Relationship Patterns That Predict Divorce

1. Criticism: Gottman says criticism is “really a way of fueling the attack, so you state your complaint as an attack on the other person.” He noted, “It’s not constructive, it winds up leading to an escalation of the conflict.”

2. Contempt: “Not only is contempt the best predictor of divorce, because it’s really this air of superiority. You need respect in a relationship.”

3. Defensiveness: Gottman explains people need to take responsibility for the problem, and can say to the other person, “What’s your point? I mean, it makes some sense what you’re saying. Tell me more.'” Dr. Gottman points out that defensiveness gets in the way of two people working as a team to figure out a solution.

4. Stonewalling is also known as the silent treatment. Gottman says, “The stonewaller is really trying to calm down and not make it worse, but when you’re faced with somebody who’s silent like that, you escalate. So, it’s a very disruptive pattern.”

 

 

You can find more information at The Gottman Relationship Institute.com

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