Ramp Up Your Marital Stress – Rare Advice From The Todd


Ramp Up Your Marital Stress – Rare Advice From The Todd. If you want to test the strength of your union, all you have to do is–as a team–back a boat on a trailer down a very busy launch ramp…into the BOILING LAKE OF HELL.  You may as well buy a new 4 wheeler without a discussion with the missus, or for the ladies, hire a pool boy–even though you don’t have a pool.


I don’t care how many “I feel” messages you learned in couples therapy, what you’ll hear on that boat ramp is “I FEEL you are a moron,” or “I HEAR your anger but wish a large object would fall from the sky and land on your head,” or “I FEEL it would give me joy to see your internal organs fed to the crows.”

My wife, Erin, and I learned early on that:

1. When you are learning to launch a boat, do NOT pick a time the ramp is busy.

2. Listen politely to the other person’s suggestions, ignore them, and do what you know is right.

3. Not to say a FREAKING WORD if you want any romance in the next two weeks.


Well, we got really good at the process when we owned a houseboat.  But a recent family trip to Lake Powell in Southern Utah, and watching all the OTHER couples launch brought it all back–in TerrorVision.

“Go right!  Go right!”

“Not THAT right, the OTHER right!”

“Don’t overcorrect!  What are YOU DOING?!!!”

For the guys, it’s really all about how you appear to the OTHER boaters.  It doesn’t matter if you’re launching a luxury yacht named “Wet Dream” (Editor’s note: “Wet Dream?”  REALLY?)  Or, a 12 foot aluminum fishing boat named “The Mullet,” it’s all the same.  Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, hire someone else to launch your boat.  There will be less stress , more romance, and a lot less “I feel” messages.

Happy boating…Todd

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2 responses to “Ramp Up Your Marital Stress – Rare Advice From The Todd”

  1. Karen Paulsen says:

    Soooo Funny!! This could be the makings of another contest to see how well, we as couples, can relay instructions to one another. Kind of like the bbq grill put together thing you had a while back. Keep up the good work I love this site.

  2. Todd, you are SO funny! You should blog more. I actually had a visual of the whole thing (wish I had been there to actually experience it!)Love you guys, you “float my boat!”

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